Hello Friends and Family,
Thanks for visiting our blog, your viewing brings our total
number of views to 3, so thank you. So without further hesitation, here are all things Kanak.
Geno
Geno is a larger than life 4-year-old. He has incredibly unique interests, such as
Power Rangers, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and Transformers. He also loves being read to. So far he has stuck to the canonical literature,
such as If You Give a Cat a Cupcake
and The Cat in the Hat, but we’re
hoping he spreads his interest to post modernist authors, such as Kurt Vonnegut,
by the time he enters school. We don’t
want him to be the only kindergartner who hasn't read Slaughterhouse Five. Currently
Geno’s favorite activities include gymnastics class, pissing off his sister,
making messes he refuses to clean-up, and eating small amounts of his meals so
he can request various food items all day long.
Mary
Mary is a smart, sassy, and insufferably shy young
lady. Her love of the macabre makes her especially
interesting. I am confident that her
obsession with skulls, mustaches, and wearing Halloween themed shirts all year
round will create the perfect fodder with which to solidify a healthy bond with
her future therapist. Mary is a reserved
young lady with a firm grasp on her priorities often saving her strongest
emotional reactions for truly traumatic events, such as the mixing of Play-doh colors, her brother’s mildly threatening glances, and an empty chocolate chip
waffle box. Gene and I are proud to
report that Mary is a great reader. We
discovered the depths of her reading ability when she started correcting us
while reading Harry Potter to her. There
is nothing more rewarding as a parent than being corrected by your 7-year-old while reading a 900
page book to her. Mary recently moved up to level 4 in her gymnastics class,
but that’s not her only activity—she’s also very busy growing out her bangs.
Gene
Gene is still working at Watseka High School; however, he is
always on the lookout for new career opportunities. Right now, he’s researching
the merits of over-the-road trucking or establishing his own meth lab in his
father-in-law’s new shed out back. In the meantime, he still enjoys spending
his free time honing his skills as an aging recreational softball player and an
insufferably average league bowler.
Angie
I am in my third year teaching at Kankakee High School. Thank you for your concern, but I have not
been shot, hit, initiated into a gang, or offered drugs. In all seriousness
though, despite its reputation, KHS has become a home to me. There are a lot of
good teachers and students in that building, and I feel happy to be a part of
it. I can see myself staying here for many years…which is great because due to
recent pension cutbacks, I apparently have to teach until I’m 85! As such, if
you see any good Craigslist deals on walkers, shower safety bars, or Rascals,
please feel free to forward me the link. It’s never too early to grab a
bargain!
So, with that, we’ll bring another Kanak Christmas blog to a
close. We hope all of you are doing as well as we are. Actually, we hope you’re
doing much, much better than we are; we’re a whole lot of hot mess up in here!
Whatever. At least we still have our delusions. Until we meet again, remember
the inspirational words of Conan O’Brien. I don’t remember any off the top of
my head, but he’s been on TV for a long time and given many speeches, so he’s
bound to have said something worth remembering. Look it up, and go with it!
Merry Christmas!
Take Care,
The Kanaks (notice the lack of an apostrophe as nothing
belongs to us)
